The new Priest was nervous about conducting Mass on Sunday morning, so he went to the old Priest and asked him what he should do.
"Oh, there's nothing to it", said the old priest, "just put a little gin or vodka in your water glass and that will help to relax you".

Sunday morning came, and the new priest filled his water glass with vodka, and talked up a storm.

After mass he went to the old priest and asked, "how did I do?"
"You were relaxed alright, however, there are a few things you need to get straight", answered the old priest. "There are ten commandments, not twelve. There are twelve apostles, not ten. David slew Goliath, he didn't beat the shit out of him. We don't refer to the Trinity as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook. And there's a Taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's".